Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk!

Its a living
"I've found a great job," a man says to his wife. "A 10am start, a 6pm finish, no overtime, no weekends, and it pays $2,000 a week in cash!"
"That's unbelievable!" says the wife.
"I know," says the husband. "You start Monday." =)
~~~~~~~
Shrink Rap
A man is feeling depressed and decides to see a psychiatrist. He gets to the office, lies down on the couch, and tells the doctor his life story.
"I know exactly what your problem is.." says the psychiatrist. "It's a simple matter of low self-esteem."
"Oh," says the man, dejected.
"Dont worry!" says the doctor. "It's very common among losers like you.." =Þ
~~~~~~~
Crimes against Nature
Two men are playing golf, and one hits his ball into a patch of buttercups. He starts swinging and swinging but cant connect with the ball. All of a sudden there's a puff of smoke and an old woman appears.
"I'm Mother Nature," she says. "You just ruined all my buttercups! As punishment, you wont have any butter for the rest of your life.."
There's another puff of smoke, and she disappears. The guy's freaked out and goes to find his friend.
"Bob! Where are you!?" he yells.
"I'm over here!" yells his friend back. "My ball landed in the pussy willows."
"For God's sake, dont swing!!" =)
~~~~~~~
A group of first-year medical students is gathered around an operating table for their first lesson with a dead body.
"As a doctor, you'll need to develop two key skills," the professor begins. "The first is stoicism. You cant be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
The professor then rolls the body over, sticks his finger into the corpse's butt, withdraws it and sticks his finger in his mouth.
"Now do the same." he instructs.
The horrified students hesitate, but eventually take turns dipping a finger into the cadaver's anus and then sucking on it.
When everyone has finished, the professor continues, "The second skill is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and then i sucked on my index finger. Pay attention!!" =)
~~~~~~~
A guy is sitting at a bar, staring at the sexy bartender. He slaps a 10 spot on the table and says, "I bet I can keep an eye on this drink while i go to the bathroom."
She knows the bathroom is around the corner, so she accepts the bet. He takes out his glass eye, places it beside his drink and goes to the bathroom. When he comes back, he pockets the money and makes another challenge.
"Betcha i can bite my own ear!" the guy says.
She accepts, and he takes out his false teeth and nips his ear. Once more he scoops up the money.
"Ok," he says, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back. I bet I can make love to you so tenderly that you wont feel a thing."
She knows this bet is a sure thing, so she accepts. The guy climbs behind the bar, lifts her skirt and begins.
"I can feel you!" she giggles.
"Oh well," he says, "You win some, you lose some..." =)