Why?

I used to find solace in the bottom of a bottle
Or in the curl of an intoxicating smoke
But problems still arise, a life I despise
Thinking I’ve been dealt a cosmic joke
What’s the score? I haven’t asked for more
Than your time, a chance to prove
Maybe even show you what I mean
Don’t you see? Its been affecting me
Its not as if its been the 1st time
It just keeps replaying, this fucked up dance
Being dealt with the cards by some cosmic chance
Its fucked up, it maybe nothing to you but a game
I’m nothing, yes. There are more and better guys out there
Waiting to pounce and grab your heart, a hard game
But I show persistence even through uncertain times
The next phrases is an educational journey, maybe a lecture
Or maybe I just cant get the picture, whats the deal?
Am I just a game to you? Something to be played for real?
This is all fucked up, backed up by the facts that I just cant ignore
I want you, I feel that I need you, I end up a fool
But I keep hoping and coming back for more
If you would only tell me straight up what you want
It’d all be simpler perhaps, don’t you think?
Pushed to the edge, balancing on the brink
Of uncertainty, not knowing what to do
Follow my friends advice, leave it be, forget you, plenty of fish in the sea
But I cant, cant you understand that? Does it even sink in?
Do you even begin to comprehend the feelings I have within?
Fuck it all, I’ll end up the fool, I’ll wait it out, see how it goes
If things don’t go as I wish for, heaven expect me
Greet and acknowledge me, I’ll see y’all at the front door…